Lyrics:

A fine romance with no kisses A fine romance, my friend, this is We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes (to-mah-toes, dear) But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed po-tah-toes (potatoes) A fine romance, you won't nestle A fine romance, you won't even wrestle You've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants You never take a chance, this is a fine romance A fine romance, my good fellow You take romance, I'll take Jello You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean At least they flap their fins to express emotion A fine romance, my dear Duchess Two old fogies, we really need crutches You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France! (Fronce) I haven't got a chonce (chance), this is a fine romance A fine romance, my good woman My strong, aged-in-the-wood woman You never give those orchids I send a glance They're just like cactus plants, (oh boy) This is a fine romance!