Lyrics:

Miss marmelstein! miss marmelstein! miss marmelstein!

Oh, why is it always miss marmelstein?
Miss marmelstein? miss marmelstein?
Other girls get called by their first names right away
They get cozy intimate ... do you know what I mean?
Nobody calls me: "hey, baby doll!"
Or "honey dear" or "sweetie pie"
Even my first name would be preferable
Though it's terrible, it might be better: it's yetta!
Or perhaps my second name that's tessye
Spells t-e-s-s-y-E!

But no, no, it's always miss marmelstein!
You'd think at least miss m. they could try...
Miss marmelstein! miss marmelstein!
Miss marmelstein! miss marmelstein! miss marmelstein!
Oh, I could die!

I'm a very willing secretary
Enjoy my work as my employer will corroborate
Except for one disappointment one fly in the ointment
It's great I mean simply great

But the aggravation of my situation
I might as well get it off my chest
It's the drab appellation
Oh pardon the big words I apply
But I was an english major at c.c.n.y.
Drab appellation!
With which I am persistently addressed
Persistently, perpetually, continually and inevitably addressed!
Believe me, it could drive a person positively psychosomatic

Why is it always miss marmelstein?
Miss marmelstein? miss marmelstein?
Other girls get called by their nick names right away
Slightly naughty or risque
Do you know what I mean? ha! ha...mmmmmmm!
Nobody calls me : "koo-chee-koo" or "boobala" or "passion pie"
Even "hey there babe!" thought not respectable
Ain't so objectable
It's kind of crummy but chummy

Of course if I got married, that would do it
So, where's the lucky guy? ha...
Till then it still is miss marmelstein!
Everyday I get more and more fussed
Miss marmelstein! miss marmelstein!
Miss marmelstein! miss marmelstein! miss marmelstein!
Oh...oh...oh...!
I could bust!