Lyrics:

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd?love?to be you,?Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no?man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley...
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

Who play darts like Gaston?
Who break hearts like Gaston?

Who's much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston?

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating

My, what a guy, that Gaston!

When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge

Who has brains like Gaston
Entertains like Gaston!

Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston
I use antlers in all of my decorating

Say it again
Who's the man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
Who's the super success?
Don't you know? can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town, who's got all of it down

And his name's G-A-S-T
I believe there's another T
It just occurred to me that I'm in quarantine indefintely
Does spelling last names really matter right now?

Gaston