When I was 4 I was fighting for my life They stabbed me up with needles tryna get the treatment right I was scared I was dying like the kid the other night Cuz he ain't get the same meds that I did on the flight And now he's dead Man that should've been me Like what if he was that dude who coulda cured a disease Or figured out a way to save us when the earth would deplete Or then became the fucking president who nurtured the peace I just don't get it Cuz I ain't living my life Man all I do is sit at home and fucking bitch when I write Then fuck a bitch every night, instead of picking them right Cuz in my past every girl I had was picking a fight And it made me nervous, my circuits are shot and I don't care I'm tryna find the words that'll surface and find air I'm working to feel worth it I'm hurt and its not fair Cuz I feel like I been searching for purpose thats not there and now I'm scared
And now I'm scared And I don't like to talk about my feelings cuz the man inside the mirror got some demons Motherfucker and I'm scared And now I'm scared But I been acting like I'm okay even though deep inside I been lost in my mind And I'm scared
But I'm alive and well Well, I'm alive but I'm far from well So the doctors say I need to focus more on my health Because I rap to help you but it ain't helping myself I keep myself pinned down with the words that I spit Instead of moving past pain I indulge in the shit Look, you probably thinking its hot But it caused my anxiety and that shit don't stop I can't even leave my house so I hide in my room Cuz everybody in my town talks down on me to They see me as a fucking rapper some delusional goon And judge me based off every lyric not the shit that I do And it made me pissed Im bitching but shit its just not fair Im itching for the figures I figured its right there The bigger picture I painted is failing to find air Cuz the genre started changing my brain is just not there and now I'm scared.
And now I'm scared So I don't leave my room to often man there's to much talk around my name Motherfucker now I'm scared And now I'm scared I don't do well when I'm lonely but Im always by myself And maybe thats the reason that I'm scared
For my family and friends that I made Cuz death is just around the corner that could happen today And shit I couldn't even fathom what my family would say If they seen me laying dead in my casket one day I seen my parents last week, I ain't seen them in months Shit my mom looked nervous cuz I'm hanging with thugs And she's scared I'll OD cuz I got into drugs So before I thought to leave I went and gave her a hug and she latched on Like she wont see me again I got a feeling that the reason is the shit that I said I tell my fans everyday that I wish I was dead So I can finally be in peace instead of dealing with dread and it made me mad Im passing the pain to my own fam I stacked all the odds in my favor to make rap Now I'm laughing about passing and having a whole gram Cuz I'm lacking all the passion I had and its so sad and now I'm Scared