Lyrics:

Hey mister, where are you headed?
Are you in a hurry?
Need a lift to happy hour? Say, 'Oh no'
Do you brake for distilled spirits?
I need a break as well
The well that inebriates the guilt
One, two, one, two, three, four

Cold turkey's getting stale
Tonight, I'm eating crow
Fermented salmonella, poison oak, no
There's a drought at the fountain of youth
And now I'm dehydrating
My tongue is swelling up
I say, 'One, two, one, two, three, four'

Troubled times
You know I cannot lie
I'm off the wagon, and I'm hitchin' a ride

There's a drought at the fountain of youth
And now I'm dehydrating
My tongue is swelling up, I say...
'Shit!'

Troubled times
You know I cannot lie
I'm off the wagon, and I'm hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride
Say birthday boys, hey!