Lyrics:

Hello? I'm a truck
You've heard songs about truck drivers; many times their story's told
How they pulled out of Pittsburgh for six days on the road
'Bout the Feather River Canyon, and climbin' the ol' Grapevine
That ol' roadhouse down in Texas, and the girls they've left behind
You've heard their tales of daring, and I think that's just fine
But if you can spare a minute, well, I'd like to tell you mine
There'd be no truck drivers if it wasn't for us trucks
No double-clutchin', gear-jammin', coffee-drinkin' nuts
They drive their way to glory, and they have all the luck
There'd be no truck drivers if it wasn't for us trucks
Well, there he sits in that cafe, drinkin' coffee and tellin' lies (Ha-ha-ha-ha)
Prob'ly tellin' 'em how he topped that hill ten miles back
He oughta tell 'em how he missed a gear, and that Volkswagen bus full of hippies
Passed us like I was sittin' up on jacks
Or how we took that curve over on 66
Hadn't been for me hangin' on the shoulder
We'd-a both wound up in the ditch
If we're on time he takes the credit, if we're late I get the blame
Up those hills with shutters open, my stacks're runnin' flame
My tach were runnin' red-line, sucking diesel from the tanks
I've take him south and brang him back, without a word of thanks
So now you've heard my story and I guess it's my tough luck
There'd be no truck drivers if it wasn't for us trucks

There'd be no truck drivers if it wasn't for us trucks
No double-clutchin', gear-jammin', coffee-drinkin' nuts
They drive their way to glory, and they have all the luck
There'd be no truck drivers if it wasn't for us trucks
Look at him sippin' coffee and flirtin' with that waitress
And where do you think he left me?
That's right, next to a cattle truck (Mooo)
Why couldn't he have put me next to that little pink Mack sittin' over there?
Gosh, she's got pretty mud flaps
And talk about stacked! They're both chromed
Well, he'll be comin' out in a minute
And he'll get that bar, and he'll go around and beat on my tires
You know, for two pints of diesel, I'd have a flat on the inside dual
Ha! That'd fix him
I never did like the way he drives anyhow
Thinks he's God's gift to waitresses
Ha, he never gives 'em a tip
Well, I know what he's gonna do now
He's gonna take out that tape cartridge of Buck Owens and play it again
I don't know why he don't get a Merle Haggard tape