Lyrics:

As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?



Ah, you're drunk,

you're drunk you silly old fool,

still you can not see

That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before



And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be



Ah, you're drunk,

you're drunk you silly old fool,

still you can not see

That's a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before



And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be



Ah, you're drunk,

you're drunk you silly old fool,

still you can not see

That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before



And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be



Ah, you're drunk,

you're drunk you silly old fool,

still you can not see

They're two lovely Geranium pots me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But laces in Geranium pots I never saw before



And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be



Ah, you're drunk,

you're drunk you silly old fool,

still you can not see

That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But a baby boy with his whiskers on sure I never saw before



And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw two hands upon her breasts where my old hands should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns them hands upon your breasts where my old hands should be



Ah, you're drunk,

you're drunk you silly old fool,

still you can not see

That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before



As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a thing in her thing where my old thing should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that thing in your thing where my old thing should be



Ah, you're drunk,

you're drunk you silly old fool,

still you can not see

That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But hair on a tin whistle sure I never saw before