Lyrics:

When I was younger I used to wonder
If I would sail across the sea
Dressed like a soldier
And sleep beneath the trees

Schooldays were contemptible
Me girlfriend sported boils
Though rarely far presentable
Me hair was kept well oiled

Now I've got whiskers size ten blisters

Sgt Major Busby has a phonograph
He entertains his fellow men with tea
He often bellows dirty words
His waxed mustache is quite absurd

Ain't it barmy join the Army
'Hands off cocks and on wiv socks!' He said to me
The very first day I joined the volunteers
And though it sounds remarkable I'm stationed in Sebastapol

What a caper bless my maker

When I was younger I used to wonder
If I would sail across the sea
Dressed like a soldier
And sleep beneath the trees

Cause lately it's debatable if I'm alive and well
Me thirst has been insatiable
Like a banshee out of hell
Now I've got bunions big as onions

Colonel Upshot Baggley wears a petticoat
(No he don't, No he don't)
He entertains his fellow men with tea
Often finding light relief
With a red face batman underneath

Ain't it barmy join the army
'Hands off cocks and on wiv socks!' He said to me
The very first day I joined the volunteers
And though it sounds remarkable I'm stationed in Sebastapol

What a caper bless my maker

Private 89436271 received his final discharge yesterday
The only thing he said to me was
'Don't go sleeping under trees!'
Ain't it baaarmy