Lyrics:

Abbott How Do You...how Do You Like My Lawn Club For St. Lou
costello Hey, All Those People Gonna Be At The Game Today
abbott Certainly.
costello Ah, This Is Gonna Be A Whopper Of A Game!
abbott Well It Should Be.
costello Hey, Abbott...
abbott What
costello I Understand They Made You The Manager Of This Here Whole Great Team.
abbott Why Not
costello So You The Manager
abbott I'm The Manager!
costello Well, You Know, I'd Like To Know Some Of The Guys' Names On The Team So When I Meet 'em On The Street Or In The Ballpark I'll Be Able To Say, 'hello,' To Those People.
abbott Why Sure I'll Introduce You To The Boys. They Give 'em Funny Names Though, St. Lou.
costello Oh I Know They Give Those Ball Players Awful Funny Names.
abbott Well, Let's See, On The Team We Have Uh Who's On First, What's On Second, I Don't Know Is On Third...
costello Are You The Manager
abbott Yes.
costello You Know The Guys' Names
abbott I Sure Do.
costello Then Tell Me The Guys' Names.
abbott I Say, Who's On First, What's On Second, I Don't Know's On Third And Then You...
costello You The Manager
abbott Yes.
costello You Know The Guys' Names
abbott I'm Telling You Their Names!
costello Well Who's On First
abbott Yeah.
costello Go Ahead And Tell Me.
abbott Who.
costello The Guy On First.
abbott Who.
costello The Guy Playin' First Base.
abbott Who.
costello The Guy On First.
abbott Who Is On First!
costello What Are You Askin' Me For I'm Askin' You!
abbott I'm Not Asking You, I'm Telling You.
costello You Ain't Tellin' Me Nothin'. I'm Askin' You, Who's On First
abbott That's It!
costello Well Go Ahead And Tell Me.
abbott Who!
costello The Guy On First Base.
abbott That's His Name.
costello That's Whose Name
abbott Yes.
costello Well Go Ahead And Tell Me.
abbott That's The Man's Name!
costello That's Whose Name
abbott Yeah!
costello Well Go Ahead And Tell Me!
abbott Who Is On First.
costello What Are You Askin' Me For I'm Askin' You, Who's On First
abbott That's It.
costello Well Go Ahead And Tell Me.
abbott Who.
costello The Guy On First.
abbott That's It.
costello What's The Guy's Name On First
abbott No, What's On Second.
costello I'm Not Askin' You Who's On Second!
abbott Who's On First.
costello That's What I'm Askin' You! Who's On First
abbott Now Wait A Minute. Don't...don't Change The Players.
costello I'm Not Changin' Nobody! I Asked You A Simple Question. What's The Guys' Name On First Base
abbott What's The Guy's Name On Second Base.
costello I'm Not Askin' You Who's On Second!
abbott Who's On First.
costello I Don't Know.
abbott He's On Third. Now We're Not Talking About Him.
costello Look, You Got A First Baseman
abbott Yes.
costello Then Tell Me The Fella's Name Playin' First.
abbott Who.
costello The Guy Playin' First.
abbott That's His Name.
costello Wait...what's The Guy's Name On First Base
abbott What Is The Guy's Name On Second Base!
costello Who's Playin' Second
abbott Who's Playin' First.
costello I Don't Know.
abbott He's On Third Base.
costello Look, When You Pay Off The First Baseman Every Month, Who Do You Pay The Money To
abbott Every Dollar Of It.
costello Yeah. Look, You Gotta Pay The Money To Somebody On First Base, Don't You
abbott Yeah.
costello Does He Give You A Receipt
abbott Sure.
costello How Does He Sign The Receipt
abbott Who.
costello The Guy That You Give The Money To.
abbott Who.
costello The Guy You Give The Money To.
abbott That's How He Signs It.
costello That's How Who Signs It
abbott Yes.
costello Well Go Ahead And Tell Me! Abbott That's It.
costello That's Who
abbott Yeah.
costello When You Give The Guy The Money, Doesn't He Have To Sign The Receipt
abbott He Does!
costello Well How Does He Sign His Name
abbott Who.
costello The Guy You Give The Money To.
abbott That's How He Signs It!
costello You! You...you Just Don't Give Money To Someone Without Having 'em Sign The Receipt!
abbott No! Who Signs It.
costello What Are You Askin' Me For
abbott Now Calm Down. I'm Not Asking You, I Am Telling You. The...
costello Well Go Ahead And Tell Me. What's The Guy's Name That Signs The Receipt On First Base
abbott Well Now Wait A Minute. What Signs His Own Receipt.
costello Who Signs His Own Receipt
abbott No, Who Signs His.
costello I'm Askin' You, When The Guy On First Base Gives You A Piece Of Paper...
abbott Yes, Now Wait...
costello ...he Puts His Name On It.
abbott No, Who Puts His Name On It...
costello How...
abbott ...and What Puts His Name On It...
costello How Does The Fella's Name On First Base Look To You When He Signs His Name
abbott Who.
costello To You.
abbott That's How It Does.
costello How Does It Look To You
abbott Who!
costello To You.
abbott Who!
costello To You.
abbott Who! Look...
costello When The Guy Signs His Name, How Does It Look To You
abbott Now That's How It Looks. Who.
costello H-How...who
abbott Who.
costello I'm Askin' You. What's The Guy's Name On First Base You Give The Money To
abbott Who! After All, The Man's Entitled To It...
costello Who Is
abbott Yes. Sometimes His Wife Comes Down And Collects It.
costello Whose Wife
abbott Yeah, Sure.
costello All I'm Tryin' To Find Out Is What's The Guy's Name On First Base...
abbott What Is On Second Base.
costello I'm Not Askin' You Who's On Second.
abbott Who's On First.
costello I Don't Know.
abbott He's...
costello Third Base, I Know.
abbott Yeah.
costello You Got A Outfield
abbott Sure.
costello The Left Fielder's Name
abbott Why.
costello I Just Thought I'd Ask You.
abbott Well I Just Thought I'd Tell You.
costello The Left Fielder's Name
abbott Why! Costello Hmm...because!
abbott Oh, He's Centerfield.
costello Oh...
abbott Told You All These Players Got...
costello All I'm Tryin' To Figure Out Is What's The Guy's Name In Leftfield.
abbott Now, What's On Second.
costello I'm Not Askin' You Who's On Second.
abbott Who's On First.
costello I Don't Know...
both Third Base.
costello You Got A Pitcher On This Team
abbott Wouldn't Be A Fine Team Without A Pitcher.
costello What's His Name
abbott Tomorrow.
costello You Don't Want To Tell Me Today
abbott I'm Telling You.
costello Then Go Ahead.
abbott Tomorrow! Costello What Time
abbott What Time What
costello What Time Tomorrow Are You Gonna Tell Me Who's Pitching
abbott Now Listen. Who Is Not...
costello I'll Break Your Arm, You Say Who's On First! I Want To Know What's The Pitcher's Name
abbott What's On Second.
costello I Don't Know.
both Third Base!
costello You Got A Catcher
abbott Sure.
costello The Catcher's Name
abbott Today.
costello Today. You Don't Wanna Tell Me, Today...tomorrow...do You
abbott I'm Telling You.
costello So The Catcher's Name
abbott Today.
costello Today. And Tomorrow's Pitching.
abbott Now You've Got It!
costello Now I've Got It...
abbott Hey!
costello All We Got Is A Couple Of Days On The Team!
abbott Well I Can't Help That.
costello All Right. You Know Now, I'm A Good Catcher. Now, I Get Behind The Plate And...and Tomorrow's Pitching On My Team And A Heavy Hitter Gets Up.
abbott Yes.
costello Now When He Gets Up, Me Being A Good Catcher, I'm Gonna Throw The Guy Out At First Base. So The Guy Bunts The Ball. I Pick Up The Ball; I'm Gonna Throw The Guy Out At First Base. So I Pick Up The Ball And Throw It To Who
abbott Now That's The First Thing You've Said Right.
costello I Don't Even Know What I'm Talkin' About!
abbott Well That's...that's All You Have...
costello That's All I Have To Do Is To Throw The Ball To First Base. Now Who's Got It
abbott Naturally. Now You've Got It.
costello I Throw The Ball To First Base, Somebody's Gotta Get The Ball! Now Who's Got It
abbott Naturally.
costello Who
abbott Naturally.
costello Naturally
abbott Naturally.
costello So I Pick Up The Ball And I Throw It To Naturally.
abbott No, No, No, No...
costello He Gets The Ball. Naturally Gets The Ball And...nat-
abbott You Throw The Ball To First Base.
costello Then Who Gets It
abbott Naturally.
costello So I Pick Up The Ball And I Throw It To Naturally.
abbott No!
costello Naturally Gets The Ball And...and...
abbott You Throw The Ball To Who.
costello Naturally.
abbott Naturally.
costello That's What I'm Saying! Abbott You're Not Saying It...
costello I Said, I Throw The Ball To Naturally.
abbott No You Don't!
costello I Throw It To Who
abbott Naturally.
costello That's What I'm Saying!
abbott No It Isn't.
costello I Throw The Ball To First Base, Somebody's Gotta Get It.
abbott So Who Gets It.
costello Naturally.
abbott That's It.
costello Okay. Now I Ask You, Who Gets It
abbott Naturally.
costello Same As You!
abbott Now Listen...
costello I Throw The Ball To Naturally.
abbott You Throw The Ball To Who! Costello Then Who Gets It
abbott Naturally.
costello He Better Get It! So I Throw The Ball To First Base.
abbott All Right.
costello Whoever Gets It Drops The Ball And The Guy Runs To Second. Now, Who Picks Up The Ball And Throws It To What. What Throws It To I Don't Know. I Don't Know Throws It Back To Tomorrow, Triple Play.
abbott Could Be.
costello Another Guy Gets Up And Hits A Long Fly Ball To Because.
abbott Yes.
costello Why I Don't Know! He's On Third And I Don't Give A Darn!
abbott What'd You Say
costello I Said, I Don't Give A Darn!
abbott Oh, That's Our Shortstop!