Lyrics:

Any old iron? Any old iron?
Any, any, any old iron?
You look neat. Talk about a treat!
You look so dapper from your napper to your feet
Dressed in style, brand-new tile
And your father's old green tie on
But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch and chain
Old iron, old iron!"

Just a week or two ago my dear old Uncle Bill
He went and kicked the bucket and he left me in his will
So I went around the road to see my Auntie Jane
She said: "Your Uncle Bill has left you a watch and chain!"
So I put it on right across my derby kell
The sun was shining on it and it made me look a swell
I went out, strolling round about
A crowd of kiddies followed me and they began to shout:

"Any old iron? Any old iron?
Any, any, any old iron?
You look neat. Talk about a treat!
You look so dapper from your napper to your feet
Dressed in style, brand-new tile
And your father's old green tie on
But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch and chain
Old iron, old iron!"

I won't forget the day I went to London on the spree
I saw the mayor of London there. That's who I went to see
He came along in a carriage and a pair
I shouted: "Come on, boys! All throw your hats up in the air!"
Just then the mayor, he began to smile
Pointed to my face and said: "Lor Lummy, what a dial!"
Started Lord-a-mayoring, and then to my dismay
He pointed to my watch and chain and shouted to me: "Hey

Any old iron? Any old iron?
Any, any, any old iron?
You look neat. Talk about a treat!
You look so dapper from your napper to your feet
Dressed in style, brand-new tile
And your father's old green tie on
But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch and chain
Old iron, old iron!"

I shan't forget the day I married Miss Elisa Brown
The way the people laughed at me, it made me feel a clown
I arrived in a carriage called a hack
When I suddenly discovered I'd my trousers front to back
So I walked down the aisle, dressed in style
The vicar took a look at me and then began to smile
The organ started playing. The bells began to ring
The people started laughing and the choir began to sing:

"Any old iron? Any old iron?
Any, any, any old iron?
You look neat. Talk about a treat!
You look so dapper from your napper to your feet
Dressed in style, brand-new tile
And your father's old green tie on
But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch and chain
Old iron, old iron!"