Lyrics:

Where the hell do you get these names from?
D'Ampton worm?
I like my Guinnesses plural
...shit

John D'Ampton went a-fishing once, a-fishing in the weir
He caught a fish upon his hook he thought looked mighty queer
Now what the kind of fish it was John D'Ampton couldn't tell
But he didn't like the look of it, so he threw it down a well

Now the worm got fat and growed, and growed an awful size
With great big teeth and a great big mouth and great big goggle eyes
And when at night it crawled about all looking for some booze
It fit fell dry upon the road, it milked a dozen cows

This fearful worm would often feed on cows and lamb and sheep
And swallow little babes alive when they lay down to sleep
So John set out and got the beast and cut it into halves
And that soon stopped it eating babes and sheep and lambs and calves

So now you know how all the folks on both sides of the weir
Lost lots of sheep and lots of sleep and lived in mortal fear
So drink the health of brave Sir John, who kept the babes from harm
Saved cows and calves by making halves of that famous D'Ampton Worm!