Lyrics:

There once was an empire chase Known as a great, great game And one of its rooks came from Stoke-on-Trent And Mortimer was his name An impotent tea-bag spazz Pride of the vicar caste Sent off to Asia Expansion land Determined to be a man Determined to be a man Determined to be a man Determined to be a man Determined to be a man He loved a nice sag aloo The long, lazy afternoons But soon he was singing A different tune It went something just like this A billion flies on a horse's tail The spirit of a late, lame raj Punjabi's finest, bring me your wine list As the news comes across the air today: ';Tension grows in Afghanistan Carbine bullets could settle the score';-- I had a crap gin tonic it wounded me Send my way off on one Send my way off on one, two, three, four