Lyrics:

There goes the choir...ain't for me though!

Do you teddy mitchell wish to take her as your lawfully wedded wife happily ever after?
No i dont but i can tell you what i do, i never ever ever ever everevereverever plan to say 'i do'

Good evening ladies and gentlemen
Im so so impressed by the turnout tonight
And have to compliment everyone on the choice of my attire
Which i must say is spelndid
It's only right i do my duty as best man
I mean bestest man
Cause im the best best man you can get
See i've known the groom since the grandeur days
When we used to sneak in and watch our dad's pornos together
So i can also say i known him as my girlfriends nipples
And have to be as real as possible with him
Mate now you've said 'i do' you're done!
So said goodbye to a world of coming home when you want and going out when you want forever
See i've stayed ready with my answer if the vicar was to ever ask me

Do you teddy mitchell wish to take her as your lawfully wedded wife happily ever after?
No i dont but i can tell you what i do, i never ever ever ever everevereverever plan to say 'i do'

Secondly i'd like to thank the groom
For the toast proposed to the bridesmaids
Whom im definitely gonna deflower by the end of the night
At least two of them anyways
Marriage to me is nothing but a civil contract
And i also see it as an institution
And who the fuck wants to live in an institution hein??
I mean is kinda like school
Once that bell rings yous got to go back in
So once them wedding bells ring
You're in for the turning
I mustn't say i dont believe in relations
But in most cases marriages or relationships end up sinking
It's a chick's business to get married as soon as possible
And a bruv's business to keep unmarried as long as possible
So im always gonna stay ready of my answer
If the vicar was to ever ask me