Lyrics:

Quite often I get a thinking
As kids how we got by
Like Christmas time in our house
We couldn't afford a fire
But we made do in our house
Back then when I was young
Dad used to suck a peppermint
And we'd all sit 'round his tongue
We didn't have no tinsel on our Christmas tree
So we'd just wheel old grandad in
And make the old cunt sneeze
Wheel him 'round the other side, granny
Well, time goes so fucking fast, I got kids now of me own
And I heard 'em unwrap their presents
Last night when I got home
Santa Claus, you cunt
Where's my fucking bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk
There's nothing what I like
I've wrote you a letter
And I've come to see you twice
You geriatric wanker
Where's my fucking bike?
If I wanted a pair of fucking shoes
I would've fucking asked
Ping-pong set and cowboy suit
Stick 'em right up your arse
Went and mucked my order up
It's enough to make you spew
It's not just me that's gradin'
My sister's pissed off too
Santa Claus, you cunt
Where's my fucking pram?
You promised me, you fucking cunt
You know who I am
'Cause I'm the little girl
You made sit right on your hand
Never mind your 'Ho-ho-ho'
Where's my fucking pram?
Next time I go to see him
I'm gonna punch him in the gut
Set his fucking reindeer loose
Kick Rudolf in the nuts
Just you wait 'til next year
We'll come to that store
A mate of my little sister
Come running through that door

Mums and dads just check his breath
And watch his bloodshot eyes
Don't listen to him, boys and girls
'Cause he tells fucking lies
He's a pisstake and a pervert
He's not even fucking bright
'Cause that fucking wanker
Forgot my fucking bike
Santa Claus, you cunt
Where's my fucking bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk
There's nothing what I like
I wrote you a fucking letter
And I came to see you twice
You geriatric wanker
Where's my fucking bike?
I'll tell my dad on you
He'll punch your fucking nuts out, cunt
I saw mummy sucking Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night