Lyrics:

A parody of Baz Luhrmann’s Everybody is Free.
He bridged the advice Baz gave with his stand up routine.
Ladies and gentlemen of the G.E.D. class of 1999, I have one piece of advice for you
No matter what a stripper tells you, there's no sex in the champagne room. NONE!
Oh, there's CHAMPAGNE in the Champagne Room. But you don't want champagne.. you want sex. And there's no sex in the Champagne Room

Don't go to parties with metal detectors. Sure, it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waitin outside with guns? They know you ain't got one
If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16, she's 12. If she tells you she's 26 and looks 26, she's damn near 40
Take off that silly-ass hat!
The O.D.B. couldn't have possibly committed all those crimes. Coolio did some of that shit
Young Black men: If you go to a movie theater
And someone steps on your foot, let it slide! Why spend the next twenty years in jail 'cause someone smudged your Puma?
Cornbread: Ain't nuttin wrong with that!
No matter what you think of what I'm sayin, remember this one thing: there is no sex in the champagne room!

Ooooohh...
No sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
Absolutely, positively, no sex in the Champagnnnne, Room
No... no-ohhhhh...

If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn't been homeless that long. A REAL homeless person is too hungry to be funny (Oh-oh-oh, oooh)
If a girl has a pierced tongue, she'll probably suck your dick (That'd be great)
If a guy has a pierced tongue, he'll probably suck your dick (I don't want that, no)
Here's a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius: You're gonna die
Capricorn: You're gonna die
Gemini: You're gonna die twice!
Leo: You're gonna die
Scorpio: You're gonna die fuckin' (Oh yeah)
No one goes to Hooters for wings! (No no no)
If you've been dating a man for four months, and you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend! (Not the )
Some of the things I've said may not apply to you. Some of the things I've said may offend you. But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing: No matter what a stripper says, there's no sex in the Champagne Room. NONE

No sex in the Champagne Room
Said no sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
No no sex in the Champagne Room
No sex in the Champagne Room
Can't get none, uhh
Can't have none, nah
In the Champagne Room
Said there's absolutely, positively
No sex in the Champagne Room
Said no.. no..
Said no-ohhhh..
Said Chris said..
There ain't no sex
In the Champagne Room.. no.. no.. no..
Can't get none, ahh
Can't have none... *fades*