Lyrics:

[Prank Call 1]
*phone rings*
[Serious Employee] Mark *****
[Prankster] Hi, could I please speak to Steven Sassafras?
[Serious Employee] I think you have the wrong number
[Prankster] This isn't the doctor's office?
[Serious Employee] No, it's not.
[Prankster] I thought that he told me, to give me this number specifically, 'cause I had a bit of an accident with, uh, my keys. And, uh...
[Serious Employee] I'm terribly sorry, but he... this is not the number.
[Prankster] Do ya, do ya have a pair of pliers? 'Cause I - I really, like a serious pain, and I - I can't do it myself. He said... Is he playing a trick on me?
[Serious Employee] I'm not a doctor, sir! I - I would like... There's no way I can help you.
[Prankster] I went to the dentist and they told me this number to call
[Serious Employee] Well, somebody's pulling your leg.
[Prankster] No, my leg's okay, it's my teeth that hurt.
[Serious Employee] Uh-huh... *hangs up*
*outburst of group laughter*

[Prank Call 2]
[Employee] Thanks for calling [Threesome?] Central, this is ****, are we calling to schedule a service?
[Prankster] Umm, my dog is stuck in my dryer...
[Employee] 'Kay. Umm, sir, can I go ahead and have your area code and telephone number please?
[Prankster] Umm, I don't know my phone number.
[Employee] Do you - do you know the street address?
[Prankster] *draws breath* It's a green house. I'm very, very... very, very sick. (silence) My dog is stuck in the dryer.
[Employee] Right.
[Prankster] He's in there and I can't get him out. And it's on. (silence) I would turn it off...
[Employee] Okay...
[Prankster] But I'm just too old. And decrepit. And I don't wanna... move.
[Employee] Uh, let me send this information over and set up an emergency service for you.
[Prankster] Okay.
[Employee] Just a second.
*two buttons pushed*

[Prank Call 3]
*phone rings*
[Elderly Lady] Good afternoon. [?], can I help you?
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Allo! Chawlie there?
[Elderly Lady] Who?
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Chawlie!
[Elderly Lady] Charlie?
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Jahn
[Elderly Lady] John?
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Hello?
[Elderly Lady] Hello....
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Hello?
[Elderly Lady] With who would you like to speak?
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Jahn
[Elderly Lady] John?
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Jimmy.
[Elderly Lady] No.
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] No?
[Elderly Lady] I don't know nobody named John.
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Chawlie?
[Elderly Lady] No.
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Chuck.
[Elderly Lady] No.
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Sometimes we call him Chuck.
[Elderly Lady] Chuck? No.
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Chawlie?
[Elderly Lady] No.
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Um, Anthony? An-Antony!
[Elderly Lady] Who are you?
[Exaggerated Accent Prankster] Wait--*cuts off*