Lyrics:

(Holmes)

Prince Charles: And now, the British premier of
'My Legs' by Ken and Ron Sex Bachelor

Narrator: Mice. The hall was dark and rubbery
Fezzit is waiting for a likely young chicken to drop in a lake
But Bernie doesn't believe this and quickly woofs
Meanwhile, Shelat and Target are destined by a huge cat

Bernie: Crikey, you lot, am I all?

Derek Guyler: The gun is above me head

Narrator: Then Berny rushes naked into the pre-heated oven

Target: There's a false lady outside selling pyjamas. What
Shall I tell her?

Olive out of On The Buses: Please will you coat my legs?

Target: Lock me up, baby

Johnny McDozenlegs: Ask if she's tepid, do

Bernie: Yes, do

Richard Wattis: Yes, do

Dr Wizzy: Yes, do

Sid James: Yes, do

Monica Rose: Yes, do

Esma Cannon: Yes, do

Joyce Grenfell: Yes, do! Yes,yes, do!

Peggy Mount: Am I shiny enough yet?

Shelat: Is there a long pipe in the house?

Narrator: For a while, all was silent. Until...

Anne Aston: Oh, look! I whopped my big kidneys out for all to see

All: Ooooh...

Bernie(the bolt): Do not say 'Oooh.'

All: No, we shall not say 'Oooh.'

Bernie: No! Never say 'Oooh!'

Dr Wizzy: If only Lieutenant Uhuhu was here. She wouldn't
Say 'Oooh.'

Charles Hawtrey: Love. Love my dire native

Karen Carpenter: Carry me to Zimbabwe, me lovely fishes

Susan Dropweewee: Soon me cannelloni is 'tween me legs

All (singing): 'Cause we couldn't