Lyrics:

Once a year we celebrate With stupid hats and plastic plates The fact that you were able to make Another trip around the sun And the whole clan gathers round And gifts and laughter do abound And we let out a joyful sound And sing that stupid song Happy birthday! Now you're one year older! Happy birthday! Your life still isn't over! Happy birthday! You did not accomplish much But you didn't die this year I guess that's good enough So let's drink to your fading health And hope you don't remind yourself The chance of finding fame and wealth Decrease with every year Does it feel like you're doing laps And eating food and taking naps And hoping that someday perhaps Your life will hold some cheer Happy birthday! What have you done that matters? Happy birthday! You're starting to get fatter Happy birthday! It's downhill from now on Try not to remind yourself Your best years are all gone If cryogenics were all free Then you could live like Walt Disney And live for all eternity Inside a block of ice But instead your time is set This is the only life you get And though it hasn't ended yet Sometimes you wish it might Happy birthday! You wish you had more money Happy birthday! Your life's so sad it's funny Happy birthday! How much more can you take? But your friends are hungry So just cut the stupid cake Happy birthday! Happy birthday! Happy birthday, dear... (random calling out of names, including Ralph, Bill, Ralph Kramden, Skippy, the bush kangar