Lyrics:

[Intro]
I have problems in my life, so I wrote a song about the problems in my life, and hopefully some of you can relate to it.

[Verse 1]
Walking around, I've got no one to talk to
There's everyone, and then there's just me
If I could change, don't you think that I'd do it
God only knows why he cursed me to be
A straight white male

I state my problems
Other people roll their eyes
Three trips to the mall
And zero khakis in my size
I've never been the victim
Of a random search for drugs
But you can't say my life is easy
Until you've walked a mile in my UGGs

[Chorus]
Straight white male, I know the road looks tough ahead
The women want rights
The gays want kids
Can't you just leave us alone?
And also, no, to the things you asked for
They're being greedy and they know it

[Verse 2]
Everyone thinks that I've got it easy
Just 'cause it's true, doesn't mean that it's right
So pull up a chair, and put down your pitchfork
Give me a chance to show you what it's like
To be a straight white male

The churches never made me
Feel ashamed of who I am
But I get e-mails from Zappos
that Gmail doesn't mark as spam
My country's Constitution was
hand-written by my race
But my wife bought me the brand new iPhone
with an iPod Touch's case - case doesn't fit that phone)

[Chorus]
Straight white male, I know the road looks tough ahead
The women want rights
The blacks want not to be called the blacks
Can't you just leave us alone?
Also, no, to the things you asked for
No

[Outro]
Straight white male, I know the road looks tough ahead
The women want rights
The African-Ameri-it doesn't work for the rhythm
We used to have all the money and land
And we still do, but it's not as fun now