He's so proud of the books that he's never read 'cause there are so many books that he's never read 'Cause that's how doubts climb into your head And make you think funny thoughts when you're lying in bed
Now he's got a philosophy He's got a simple rule A motto, a creed: Big Words Make the Baby Jesus Cry
There once was a woman who had nothin' to say But she still felt the need to say it anyway Never understood why people stayed away She said the newspapers are filled with lies Planted by gay Muslim Jewish spies Atheists run the public schools While Communists piss into the public pools No matter the facts, 'cause this is the truth
Now she's got a philosophy She's got a simple rule A motto, a creed: Big Words Make the Baby Jesus Cry
Big words are the enemy Report big words to the authorities Big words are the things that bandits say If you hear a big word run the other way Big words lead you down a crooked path To William Faulkner and Sylvia Plath When you use a big word you commit a sin When you use a big word the terrorists win
Tonight half the country will go out to a show It's a movie written by a five-year old About a brave puppy and the kitten he saves It's no wonder James Thurber spins in his grave
Now we've got a philosophy We've got a simple rule A motto, a creed: Big Words Make the Baby Jesus Cry
Now we've go a philosophy We've got a simple rule A motto, a creed: Big Words Make the Baby Jesus Cry