Lyrics:

This is a song from the Buffy Musical episode “Once More With Feeling”. It’s a duet between the characters Xander (Nicholas Brendon) and Anya (Emma Caulfield).
This is the man that I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine
But I’m out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is
I’ll never tell

She is the one
She's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night when I’m right
In her tight embrace
Tight embrace
I’ll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that-
No
I’ll never tell

Both: cause there's
Nothing to tell

He snores

She wheezes

Say 'housework,' and he freezes

She eats these skeezy cheeses
That I can't describe

I talk, he breezes

She doesn't know what please is

His penis got diseases
From a Chumash tribe

The vibe gets kind of scary

Like she thinks I'm ordinary

Like it's all just temporary

Like her toes are kind of hairy

But it's all very well
'Cause God knows
I'll never tell

When things get rough he
Just hides behind his Buffy
Now look, he's getting huffy
'Cause he knows that I know

She clings
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She never-

His eyes are beady

This is my verse, hello
She -

Look at me!
I'm dancin' crazy!

You know

You're quite the charmer

My knight in armor

You're the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple -
Tight embrace

He's swell

She's sweller

He'll always be my feller

That's why I’ll never
Tell her that I’m petrified

I’ve read this tale
There's wedding then betrayal
I know there'll come the day
I'll want to run and hide

I lied
I said it's easy
I’ve tried
But there's these fears I can't quell

Is she looking for a pot of gold?

Will I look good when I’ve gotten old?
Will our lives become too stressful
If I’m never that successful?

When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley

Am I crazy?

Am I dreamin'?

Am I marrying a demon?

We could really raise the beam
In makin' marriage a hell
So, thank God I'll never tell
I swear that I’ll never tell

My lips are sealed

I take the fifth

Nothing to see
Move it along

I’ll never
Tell