Lyrics:

Playing pool and drinking beer

Nothin more'n the

occasional tear

But this man's life goes on

and he gets

greased all over

from time to time

At the strip joint, where we met

He said 'Hi, my name is Ted

See that one over there

That ball of thunder

Every time she goes Vavoom,

I wiggle in my chair

Can I buy you a beer?

What a guy



'I've had a few myself' he said

'But I never quit when I'm ahead

Too many rules and regulations

Stupid laws designed by fools behind closed doors

And another thing I won't discuss is religion

It always causes a fight

Vavoom

There she goes again

'How does she do that' said Ted



And he told me

of those unjustices (that)

He had suffered in his life

His wife and kids

and boss and dogs

and neighbours

Raising cain and causing strife

They were forever whining

Bleating howling yapping screeching moaning crying

Vavoom

He fed them well

He keep them warm



Thing about Ted

he didn't really care

Nothing much got in his hair

and the beauty of it was

that he was right

He was big as a truck

and fast as a door

(what's that?)

he was always right



The banjo player took a hike

What's that song

I used to like

Vavoom

He was big as a truck

Fast as a door - Ted

Ted the man our Ted