Lyrics:

I met 'er down in Napoli and didn't she look great
And so I brought 'er back to Blighty just to show me mates
And though we're married 'appily, I'll tell ya furthermore
I 'aven't 'ad a decent meal since Nineteen-Forty-Four

Her:
Eat your minestrone, Joe
Him:
That's all you ever say
Her:
Eat your macaroni, Joe
Him:
Ev'ry blinkin' day
Her:
No wonder you're so boney, Joe
And skinny as a rake
Him:
Well then, give us a bash at the bangers and mash me muvver used to make

Him:
Bangers and mash
Her:
Minestrone
Him:
Bangers and mash
Her:
Macaroni
Him:
Give us a bash at the bangers and mash me muvver used to make

Her:
Eat your tagliatelli, Joe
Him:
That's all I've 'eard for years
Her:
Eat your vermicelli, Joe
Him:
It's comin' out me ears
Her:
You've got to fill your belly, Joe
Joe, for heaven's sake
Him:
Well then, give us a bash at the bangers and mash me muvver used to make
Her:
Well, all right

Him:
Bangers and mash
Her:
Tagliatelli
Him:
Bangers and mash
Her:
Vermicelli
Him:
Ah, give us a bash at the bangers and mash me muvver used to make

(Spoken. All voices by Sellers):
American reporter:
Nineteen-Forty-Three, Allied Forces land in Italy!
1st soldier:
There's a smashin'-lookin' bird over there, Bert. I think she's showin' out there.
2nd soldier:
Well, why don't you chat 'er up then?
1st soldier:
Right! Bongourno Signorina now. 'Ere, are you married?
Italian Girl:
(Unintellible reply)
1st soldier:
There y'are. Can't 'ave a fairer answer than that, can ya!

Her:
I met him back in Italy, so dashing and good-looking
He wined me and he dined me ev'ry night
He said I smiled so prettily and how he loved my cooking
But since he's married me, it seems he's lost his appetite

Him (Italian accent):
Eat your tagliatelli, Soph
Her (Cockney accent):
That's all you ever say! Ooh
Him:
Eat your vermicelli, Soph
Her:
Ev'ry bloomin' day
Him:
You've a-got to fill your belly, Soph
Soph, for heaven's sake
Her:
Well then, give us a bash at the bangers and mash your muvver used to make

Him:
Bangers and mash
Her:
Minestrone
Him:
Bangers and mash
Her:
Macaroni
Him:
Give me a bash with the bangers and mash
Her:
(Laughing)
Him:
Like the same one what your mother was
Her:
(Laughing)
Him:
What you laughing at now?
Her:
(Laughing)
Him:
(Indistinct)
... Please
Her:
Joe?
Him:
Yes
Her:
Why don't you belt up or I'll give you punch up the throat
Him:
Now she's-a-tells-a-me. Hah! Mamma Mia