You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job Not steady enough for the office Not hard enough for the hod You'd rather be riding your Norton Or going fishing with your split cane rod You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job
When your grammar school days were over It was nineteen-seventeen And you did the right and proper thing You were just eighteen You were never mentioned in dispatches You never mentioned what you did or saw You were just another keen young man In the mud and stink of war
You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job Not steady enough for the office Not hard enough for the hod You'd rather be singing the Pirate King Or going fishing with your split cane rod You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job
You came home from the Great War With the pips of a captain's rank A German officer's Luger And no money in the bank Your family sent you down in the coal mine To learn to be captain there But you didn't stand it very long You needed the light and the air
You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job Not steady enough for the office Not hard enough for the hod You'd rather be watching performers fly Or fishing with your split cane rod You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job
When the second war came along You knew what should be done You would re-enlist to teach young men The booby trap and the gun; And they sent you home to Yorkshire With a crew and a Lewis gun So you could save your seaside town From the bombers of the Hun
You were never any good with money
You couldn't even hold a job Not steady enough for the office Not hard enough for the hod You'd rather be finding the nightjar's nest Going fishing with your split cane rod You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job
And when my mother came to your door With a baby in her arm Her big hurt boy only nine years old Trying to keep her from harm If you had been a practical man You would have been forewarned You would have seen that it never could work And I would have never been born
There's no proper work in your seaside town So you come here looking for a job You were storeman at the power station Just before I came along Nobody talked about how you quit But I know that's what you did My mother said you were a selfish man And I was your selfish kid
You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job Not steady enough for the office Not hard enough for the hod; And your Norton it was soon gone Along with your split cane rod You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job
You showed me eyebright in the hedgerow Speedwell and travellers joy You showed me how to use my eyes When I was just a boy; And you taught me how to love a song And all you knew of nature's ways: The greatest gifts I have ever known And I use them every day
You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job Not steady enough for the office, maybe Not hard enough for the hod You'd rather be riding your Norton Or going fishing with your split cane rod You were never any good with money You couldn't even hold a job