Lyrics:

(Heaton/Rotheray)

Well sitting in a bar alone

where no-one knows your name

is like laying in a graveyard

wide awake

You're scared that if you cough or yawn

you might wake up the dead

So pretend to read a paper

or just drink instead



I'm a stand-up comedian

but I'd sit down if I could

The world just seems

to want folk like me to stand

And the punch-lines seem to disappear

like clouds across the sky

And the laughter could be real

or could be canned



Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liar's Bar



Well living with a lying man

could never really hurt

But living with a drunk

well no-one deserves

And you're looking for your husband

you're not sure he's still alive

Don't bother with the cemetery

he'll be down at liar's dive



I'm a travelling businessman

I just stopped in for one drink

You'll find

that I'm not like the other men

Their noses are red

whilst mine is only pink

And they didn't choose their drink

their drink chose them



Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liar's Bar



And the grave-digger's smiling

at his reflection in his spade

He's visiting the seediest

the shallowest of graves

The vocal chords of elephants

and the characters of mice

They're singing 'whisky, whisky'

so good they named it twice



Well don't pass buildings with lights on

if I said that I did I'd have lied

'Cause what looks like a Chinese restaurant

may have Chinese New Year inside

And son all my life I've been searching

the bars I've been in I forget

The lights outside ever brighter

but a light on the inside not yet



Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liar's Bar



And he's a world-wide traveller

he's not like me or you

But he comes in mighty regular

for one who's passing through

That one came in his work clothes

he's missed his last bus home

He's missed a hell of a lot of buses

for a man who wants to roam



If I look rough I am rough

If I look sad I am

If I look broke I am broke

Just a broke down piece of man



I've turned over enough leaves

to fill an autumn

and if I had one final wish

I'd be your slave for a decade

if you could take me away from this

If you took me away from this

I'd be different you'd see

'Cause I didn't choose the drink

a drink just chose me



Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liar's Bar



Well I'm smoking like a chimney

And I'm drinking like a fish

At Liar's Bar