Lyrics:

Narrator: 'It's Christmas Eve, and Larry is anxiously awaiting the
Arrival of Santa Claus with a plate of cookies.'

Larry: 'Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come, I just can't wait for
You to come, and I've got cookies! Three yummy cookies! Just for you for
When you come, oh me, for you for when you come ... because it's
Christmas!'

(Knock-knock-knock)

Larry: 'Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who
Brings presents for a cucumber like me, a good cucumber like me?'

Narrator: 'Larry is surprised to be greeted not by Santa, but crafty
Bankrobber!'

Larry: 'Who are you?'

Bankrobber: 'I'm a bankrobber! And I've come to rob your bank, oh yes!
I've come to rob your bank, and I've come to take your dimes and swipe
Your nickels. So stand back, step aside you silly pickle! And let me
In!'

Narrator: 'Although frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of
Christmas Larry makes an offering.'

Larry: 'I'm not a banker ... I have no bank my robbing friend, but I
Have cookies--three yummy cookies. And I don't have nickels, but please
Take this my robbing friend. Eat one of these my robbing friend. They
Are for Santa, but you may have one.'

Narrator: 'The bankrobber is truly touched by Larry's good will. But
Larry, although momentarily distracted, is still excited about seeing
Santa.'

Larry: 'Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come, I just can't wait for
You to come, and I've got cookies! Two yummy cookies! Just for you for
When you come, oh me, for you for when you come ... because it's
Christmas!'

Bankrobber: (Simultaneously) 'I'm a robber! I came to rob your bank, oh
Yes! I came to rob your bank ... you shared a cookie--a yummy cookie
Though I'd love to take your dimes, perhaps another time--because it's
Christmas!'

(Knock, knock, knock)

Larry: 'Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who
Brings presents for a cucumber like me, a good cucumber like me?'
Narrator: 'Once again, it is not Santa who has come to Larry's door, but
This time a savage Norseman.'

Larry: 'Who are you?'

Viking: 'I'm a viking! And I've come to take your land, oh yes! I've
Come to take your land, and I've come to burn your crops and steal your
Horses. And I've come to ... step on your chickens! And soil your
Quilts!'

Narrator: 'Although frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of
Christmas Larry makes an offering.'

Larry: 'I don't have land ... I don't have crops, my viking friend, but
I have cookies--two yummy cookies. And I don't have horses, but please
Take this my viking friend. Eat one of these my viking friend. They are
For Santa, but you may have one.'

Narrator: 'The viking is also touched by Larry's good will. But Larry's
Thoughts are still with Santa.'

Larry: 'Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come, I just can't wait for
You to come, I've got a cookie! A yummy cookie! Just for you for when
You come, oh me, for you for when you come ... because it's Christmas!'

Viking: (Simultaneously) 'I'm a viking! I came to take your land, oh
Yes! I came to take your land ... you shared a cookie--a yummy cookie
Though I'd love to soil your quilts, I don't think that I wilt ...
Because it's Christmas!'

(Knock-knock-knock)

Larry: 'Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who
Brings presents for a cucumber like me, a good cucumber like me?'

Narrator: 'Larry is greeted now by an agent of the Internal Revenue
Service.'

Larry: 'Who are you?'

Peach: 'I'm from the IRS! And I've come to tax your ...' (Slam)

Larry: 'Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come, I just can't wait for
You to come ... It's finally Santa! It's finally him! At last, the one
Who brings presents for a cucumber like me, a good cucumber like me!'

Santa: 'I'm Santa! And I've come to bring you gifts, oh yes! I've come
To bring you gifts, and I've come to stuff your stockings--oh ho-ho-ho!
And I've come to jiggle my belly. And wiggle my nose ... Hey, wait a
Minute! Isn't that my belt? And what are you doing with my hat? So
You're the ones!'

Bankrobber: 'Wait a minute, I can explain!'

Viking: 'We've changed!'

Santa: 'Nobody messes with Santa! You know that don't you!? You've been
Very naughty! And I've got a list!'

Peach: 'Did you claim that?'

Larry: 'Merry ... Christmas'