Lyrics:

It's Christmas Eve, and Larry is anxiously awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus
With a plate of cookies
Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come, I just can't wait for you to come
And I've got cookies! Three yummy cookies!
Just for you for when you come, oh me, for you for when you come
Because it's Christmas!
Could that be Santa? Could that be him?
Could it be the one who brings presents for a cucumber like me
A good cucumber like me?
Larry is surprised to be greeted not by Santa, but a crafty bank robber!
Who are you?
I'm a bank robber! And I've come to rob your bank, oh yes!
I've come to rob your bank, and I've come to take your dimes and swipe your nickels
So stand back, step aside you silly pickle! And let me in!
Although frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of
Christmas Larry makes an offering
I'm not a banker, I have no bank my robbing friend
But I have cookies, three yummy cookies
And I don't have nickels, but please take this my robbing friend
Eat one of these my robbing friend
They are for Santa, but you may have one
The bank robber is truly touched by Larry's good will
But Larry, although momentarily distracted
Is still excited about seeing Santa
Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come (I'm a robber, I came to rob your bank)
I just can't wait for you to come, and I've got cookies! (oh yes, I came to rob your bank, you shared a cookie)
Two yummy cookies! Just for you for when you come (a yummy cookie, though I'd love to take your dimes)
Oh me, for you for when you come (perhaps another time)
Because it's Christmas!
Could that be Santa? Could that be him?
Could it be the one who brings presents for a cucumber like me
A good cucumber like me?
Once again, it is not Santa who has come to Larry's door
But this time a savage Norseman
Who are you?
I'm a viking! And I've come to take your land, oh yes!
I've come to take your land, and I've come to burn your crops
And steal your horses
And I've come to, step on your chickens!
And soil your quilts!
Although frightened by the intruder
In the spirit of Christmas Larry makes an offering
I don't have land, I don't have crops, my viking friend, but
I have cookies, two yummy cookies
And I don't have horses, but please take this my viking friend
Eat one of these, my viking friend
They are for Santa, but you may have one
The viking is also touched by Larry's good will
But Larry's thoughts are still with Santa
Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come (I'm a viking! I came to take your land, oh yes!)
I just can't wait for you to come, I've got a cookie! (I came to take your land, you shared a cookie)
A yummy cookie! Just for you for when you come (a yummy cookie, though I'd love to soil your quilts)
Oh me, for you for when you come (I don't think that I wilt)
Because it's Christmas!
Could that be Santa? Could that be him?
Could it be the one who brings presents for a cucumber like me
A good cucumber like me?
Larry is greeted now by an agent of the Internal Revenue Service
Who are you?
I'm from the IRS and I've come to tax your-
Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come, I just can't wait for you to come
It's finally Santa! It's finally him!
At last, the one who brings presents for a cucumber like me
A good cucumber like me!
I'm Santa! And I've come to bring you gifts, oh yes!
I've come to bring you gifts, and I've come to stuff your stockings
Oh, ho-ho-ho!
And I've come to jiggle my belly
And wiggle my nose
Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that my belt?
And what are you doing with my hat?
So you're the ones!
Wait a minute, I can explain!
We've changed!
Nobody messes with Santa! You know that, don't you?
You've been very naughty! And I've got a list!
Did you claim that?
Merry Christmas