Lyrics:

All righty then. Picture this if you will.

10 to 2am and actually eating a, you know a box of Krispy Kremes,

At my need-to-know post just outside area 51

Contemplating the whole chosen people thing

Chen a flaming sealth banana split the sky like wide open

I never expected to see it in a place like this

I do believe I spilled a diet soda or something right on my Birkenstocks.

Then he yelled at me

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Holy fucking shit

Fucking shit

Holy fucking shit

Holy fucking shit

Holy fucking shit...fucking shit...fucking shit



Then the X-Files being

Who was like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan

With Isabella Rossellini lips with breath that reeked,

Did a wicked jump there also while making the sound a-banana-da-banana

That's when I opened up my bug-eyes

My gaping jaw

And my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip,

And all I could think was,

I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice

That I pissed my fucking pants.



So alive in this way

Like an apparition,

He had me crying out,

Fuck me!

It's gotta be

Dead head chemistry!

The bottom got on top of me

Got me seeing E motherfucking T!



And after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning

E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose,

He said you are the chosen one.

The one who will deliver the message.

A message of hope for those who choose to hear it

And a warning for those who do not.

Me, the chosen one

They chose me

And I didn't graduate from fucking high school!



You better

You better

You better

You beter listen



He looked right through me

With somniferous almond eyes

Don't even know what that means

Must remember to write it down,

This is so real

Like the time they floated away

See my heart is pounding

'Cause this shit never happens to me!



Can't breathe right now



It was so real

Like I woke up in Wonderland

Also a bit terrifying

I don't wanna be alone

When I tell this story

And can anyone tell me why

It was a repeat experience?

Will I ever be coming down?

This is so real

Finally it's my lucky day

See my heart is racing

Cause this shit never happens to me



Can't breathe right now



You believe me don't you

Please believe what I just said

See they're telling children

And this wasn't all in my head.

See they took me by the hand

And invited me right in

Then they showed me something

I don't even know where to begin



Strapped down to my bed

Feet cold and eyes red

I'm out of my head

Am I alive am I dead

Can't remember what they said

God damn shit the bed

High eye (repeated)



Overwhelmed as one would be

Placed in my position

Such a heavy burden now to be the one

Born to bear and read to all

The details of our ending

To write it down for all the world to see.

But I forgot my pen

Shit the bed again

Typical



Strapped down to my bed

Feet cold and eyes red

I'm out of my head

Am I alive am I dead?

Sunkist and sudafed

Gyroscopes and infra red

Won't help

Brain dead

Can't remember what they said

God damn shit the bed

IIIIIII can't remember what they said to me

Can't remember what they said to me

To make out to be a hero

Can't remember what they said



Don't know, won't know (repeated)

God damn shit the bed!