Lyrics:

I'm impressed
With my attorney, Bernie
I'm impressed
With his influential friends
He's got very big connections
And I follow his directions
Bernie knows his way around
And so I always do what Bernie recommends
I am blessed
With my attorney, Bernie
I'm impressed
With the way he runs the store
He's got Dodger season boxes
And an office full of foxes
It's amazing all the different things
Your average guy might need a lawyer for
Bernie tells me what to do
Bernie lays it on the line
Bernie says we sue, we sue
Bernie says we sign, we sign
I'm in touch
With my attorney, Bernie
In a clutch
He can speed right to the scene
And if I'm locked up in the jail
With just one phone call for my bail
He said to call his club collect
Or deal directly with his answering machine
And when I dine
With my attorney, Bernie
He buys wine
From the rare imported rack
That's 'cause Bernie is a purist
Not your polyester tourist
Bernie waves the glass around awhile
Then takes a sip and always sends it back
Bernie tells me what to do
Bernie lays it on the line
Bernie says we sue, we sue
Bernie says we sign, we sign
I admire
My attorney, Bernie
I admire
Any guy who knows his stuff
Sure, we blew a couple ventures
With a counterfeit debentures
But you win a few, you lose a few
Like Bernie says,
"You keep on hanging tough"
Thanks to you
My attorney, Bernie
Thanks to you
I'm considered well to do
Sure, I made out like a bandit
Just exactly like you planned it
But like Murray, my accountant
Told me yesterday, I owe it all to you
Bernie tells me what to do
Bernie lays it on the line
Bernie says we sue, we sue
Bernie says we sign, we sign
On the dotted line