Lyrics:

1. I KNOW IT'S GETTING LATE
AND I KNOW WE HAD A DATE LUCIA
I HATE TO MAKE YOU WAIT
CAUSE IT WOULD BE SO GREAT TO SEE YA
TEARS FALL FROM MY EYES
AND I MUST APOLOGIZE LUCIA
I’LL HAVE TO STAY AT HOME
SO I CALLED YOU ON THE PHONE
CAUSE I'M STUCK HERE ON THE THRONE
WITH DIARRHEA
I THOUGHT IT WAS ONLY GAS
SO I WENT AND LET ONE PASS
THEN I STOOD THERE IN A TRANCE
AS I FILLED MY BRAND NEW PANTS

2. MY MOTHER BROUGHT ME SOUP
BUT IT ONLY MADE ME POOP LUCIA
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE ATE
BUT IT SOUNDED LIKE A GREAT IDEA
YOU KNOW IT REALLY HURTS
WHEN YOU GOT THE HERSHEY SQUIRTS LUCIA
THERE'S NO PAPER TO BE SEEN
SO I USED PEOPLE MAGAZINE
AND IT MAKES ME WANNA SCREAM
DIARRHEA

I LOVE YOU DEAR WITH ALL MY HEART
BUT I CAN'T GO OUT WITH LIQUID FARTS
I WOULDN'T HAVE TO BREAK OUR DATE
IF ONLY I COULD CONSTIPATE

3. I KNOW YOU GOT THE HOTS
BUT I REALLY GOT THE TROTS LUCIA
THERE'S NO NEED TO SCREAM AND SHOUT
CAUSE TOMORROW WE'LL GO OUT I GUARANTEE YA
I KNOW YOU NEED YOUR MAN
SO I CAME UP WITH A PLAN LUCIA
I’LL TAKE A CORK AND SUPER GLUE
POUND IT IN THERE WITH MY SHOE
AND THEN I’LL BE ALL THROUGH
WITH DIARRHEA