Lyrics:

A fine romance with no kisses
a fine romance, my friend, this is
we should be like a couple of hot tomatoes (to-mah-toes, dear)
but you're as cold as yesterday's mashed po-tah-toes (potatoes)

a fine romance, you won't nestle
a fine romance, you won't even wrestle
you've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants
you never take a chance, this is a fine romance

a fine romance, my good fellow
you take romance, i'll take jello
you're calmer than the seals in the arctic ocean
at least they flap their fins to express emotion

a fine romance, my dear duchess
two old fogies, we really need crutches
you're just as hard to land as the ile de france! (fronce)
i haven't got a chonce (chance), this is a fine romance

a fine romance, my good woman
my strong, aged-in-the-wood woman
you never give those orchids i send a glance
they're just like cactus plants, (oh boy)
this is a fine romance!