Lyrics:

If they could see me now
That little gang of mine
I'm eating fancy chow
And drinking fancy wine
I'd like those stumblebums
To see for a fact
The kind of top-drawer, first-rate chums
I attract
All I can say is 'Wow,'
Hey, look at where I am
Tonight I landed, pow!
Right in a pot of jam
What a setup! Holy cow!
They'd never believe it
If my friends could see me now

(dance break)

If they could see me now
My little dusty group
Traipsing around this
Million-dollar chicken coop
I'd hear those thrift-shop cats
Say 'Brother, get her!
Laid on a bed spread made from
Three kinds of fur!'
All I can say is 'Wow'
Wait till the riff and raff
See just exactly how
He'd sign his autograph
What a build-up! Holy cow!
They'd never believe it
If my friends could see me now

If they could see me now
Alone with Mister V
Who's waiting on me
Like he was a maitre d'
I'd hear my buddies sayin'
'Crazy what gives?
Tonight she's livin'
Like the other half lives!'
To think the highest brow
Which I must say is he
Should pick the lowest brow
Which there's no doubt is me
What a step up! Holy cow!
They'd never believe it
They'd never believe it
If my friends could see me now

(spoken)
Hi girls! Look, it's me, Charity!