Lyrics:

Pat is the guy with the record shop
And John sells fruit but wants to be a cop
And Paul deals speed in a Celtic top
But I'm just a drunk in a band

Joe does telesales and martial arts
And Gill pushes patients 'round the public parks
And Nancy makes sculptures out of hoover parts
But I'm just a drunk in a band

Danny puts the cones on the motorway
And Donna dances tables in her lingerie
And Gerry, Dave and Billy, man, they're puttin' on a play
But I'm just a drunk
I'm just a drunk in a band
I'm just a drunk in a band
I'm just a drunk in a band
I'm just a drunk in a band

Pat is the guy with the record shop
And John sells fruit but wants to be a cop
And Paul deals speed in a Celtic top
But I'm just a drunk in a band
A drunk in a band
A drunk in a band
A drunk in a band
(Drunk in a band) I could be a soldier, I could drive a van
Guide rivers of pain into little red cans (drunk in a band)
Walk rich men's dogs, bring 747s into land (drunk in a band)
But I'm just a drunk in a band
I'm just a drunk in a band
I'm just a drunk in a band
I'm just a drunk in a band