Lyrics:

Mary Long is a hypocrite.
She does all the things that she tells us not to do.
Selling filth from a corner shop,
And knitting patterns to the high street queue.
She paints roses, even makes them smell good,
And then she draws titties on the karzy wall.
She drowns kittens just to get a thrill and writes
Sermons in the Sunday chronicle.

How did you loose your virginity Mary Long?
When will you loose your stupidity Mary Long?

Mary told Johnny not to write such trash
And said it was a waste of public money.
She made a fuss they made apologies,
But everybody thought the show was funny.
When the nation knew you'd had children,
It came as such a surprise
We really didn't know you'd had it in you,
How you did it we can only surmise.

How did you loose your virginity Mary Long?
When will you loose your stupidity Mary Long?

Mary Long you're not alone,
But you're a long way behind the times.
What we do in full frontal view
Is more honest than your cleaned up mind
What I'm saying Mary Long is,
If you can spare a minute;
Go find your friend the porny lord
Dig yourself a hole and jump in it.

How did you loose your virginity Mary Long?
When will you loose your stupidity Mary Long?
How did you loose your virginity Mary Long?
When will you loose your stupidity Mary Long?

Mary Long...
Mary Long...
Mary Long...
Mary Long...
Mary Long...