Lyrics:

Tobias:
Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, please!
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
Or what not should be there?

Well, ladies and gentlemen,
From now on you can waken at ease
You need never again have a worry or care
I will show you a miracle, marvelous, rare
Gentlemen, you are about to see
Something what rose from the dead
On the top of my head!

'Twas Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
That's what did the trick, sir,
True, sir, true.
Was it quick sir?
Did it in a tick, sir,
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!

How about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed.

Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir,
'Tis unique.
Rub a minute
Stimulatin', I'n' it?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week!

Sweeney Todd:
Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench?
Are we standing near an open trench?

Mrs. Lovett:
Are we standing near an open trench?
Pardon me, sir, what's that awful stench?

Tobias:
Buy Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir:
Anything what's slick, sir,
Soon sprouts curls.
Try Pirelli's!
When they see how thick, sir,
You can have your pick, sir,
Of the girls.

Wanna buy a bottle, missus?

Todd:Mrs. Lovett:What is this?What is this?Smells like piss.Smells like-phew!Looks like piss.Wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear.This is piss. Piss with ink.

Tobias:
Let Pirelli's
Activate your roots, sir.

Sweeney Todd:
Keep it off your boots, sir, eats right through.

Tobias:
Yes, get Pirelli's,
Use a bottle of it.
Ladies seem to love it.

Mrs. Lovett:
Flies do too.