Lyrics:

{people cheering}
{classical music plays}
Ah such sweet sound
The fiddler on the fucking roof

Is that Mr. Bentley Fonzworth?

Indeed it is, sir.

Good day, good sir. How do you do? Look fine!

Fantastically well, I am certainly not Fine by far,
but you could say I'm close to Spectacular.

Close to Spectacular? How so?

Open your eyes! Spectacular's right in front of you!

Whatever you say. You're Spectacular.

No, I'm Fantastically Well.

Come on, man, make up your mind.
A minute ago you said you were Fine.

No, I said I'm close to Spectacular but I'm meeting Fine in a minute.

Close to Spectacular? You said you were Fantastically Well!

Exactly!

Exactly? Which one are you? Close to spectacular or Fantastically Well?

I am certainly and without a doubt Fantastically Well,
and was close to Spectacular, but I must say, Good Sir, you just
pissed Spectacular off and don't even mention exactly. But here comes
Fine right now...

{sound of heels clicking on floor}

Oh Lord, she IS Fine...

Gentlemen?

{same time} Behold, a lady.