Lyrics:

Are you all settled in? Right, then we can begin. My name is...
Alfie!

Once there was a time
When my mind lay on higher things
And once there was a time
I could find pretty words to sing
But now, well now I find
It saves time to say what you mean
I know it seems so unrefined
But it's time to let off some steam

Oh come on!
Everybody knows that 'no' means 'yes'
Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S
But the more I look through them the more I see
I'm becoming more like Alfie

Once there was a time
When a kind word could be enough
And once there was a time
I could blindfold myself with love
But not now—now I'm resigned
To the kind of life I had reserved
For other guys less smart than I
Oh you know: the kind who will always end up with the girls

And besides
Everybody knows that 'no' means 'yes'
Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S
But the more I look through them the more I see
I'm becoming more like Alfie
Oh come on!

I'm becoming more like Alfie