Lyrics:

If I go to Heaven it'll probably be a slum And all the pretty angels just might be packing guns And if I see St. Peter will he hit me up for cash Will I find the road to Jesus or just lose him in the trash The Shaggs were right You're never going to please anybody Not in this world If I go to Hell I might find it very dull Like an Amway convention or an endless shopping mall When all the innocent demons want to poke me with a fork Or just put me in a taxi and send me to New York Scientists proved it years ago The Shaggs were much better than the Beatles Maybe I'll return as an iguana And lie upon a beach down in the Bahamas Although ignored in their day The Shaggs are now recognised as the geniuses they were I just wanna know what happens when you die Do you walk down in a hole or float up to the sky Is it just a waste of water, when your widow cries? Oh don't tell me you've never heard of the Shaggs? If the atheists are right then I have no need to worry For there is no great being whose favour I must curry And I'll be going nowhere once they lay me in the earth So why waste a Sunday by going to church? If you really wanted to You could run out right now and buy a Shaggs record If the atheists are wrong then I've got a bill that's due So should I be a Christian or a Moslem or a Jew Should I spend all day just praying on my knees And searching through the world for a deity to please A Shaggs record would be a sound investment If the atheists are right then I have no need to worry For there is no great being whose favour I must curry The fat peoples want what the skinny peoples got Th