Lyrics:

Happy Whatever You're Having
Hope that the Season is Bright
I'll wish that for you all your best dreams come true
If they're politically correct and not too far right

Make healthy choices this season
Don't be gloomy or depressed
But if you are don't be worried
It's just normal, whatever you're having stress

Have a multicultural, gender-neutral, non-sectarian, unambiguous, ovolactovegetarian, nature-lovin', sweet agrarian, mass-appealing, anti-looting, non-fur wearing, all-inclusive celebration

Unless of course, you don't want to, cause after all, this is your holiday. So

Happy Whatever You're Having
Wish me Happy Whatever I'm having too
It's so nicely all inclusive
And I hope it's not intrusive to wish
Happy Whatever to You
(Have whatever you want)
Happy Whatever to you
(I'll have what the guy on the floor's having)
Happy Whatever to you