Lyrics:

Orin:
When I was young and just a bad little kid,
My momma noticed funny things I did.
Like shootin' puppies with a BB-Gun.
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done,
I'd find a pussy-cat and bash in its head.
That's when my momma said...

Chorus: What did she say?

Orin:
She said my boy I think some day
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay...
You'll be a dentist.

You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causing things pain!

Pain!
Son, be a dentist.

Son be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane!

Chorus: Inhumane!

Orin:
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood,
And teaching would suit you still less.
Son, be a dentist.
You'll be a success.

'Here he is girls, the leader of the plaque.'
'Watch him suck up that gas. Oh My God!'
'He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good.'
'Who wants their teeth done by the Marques DeSade?'
'Oh, that hurts! I'm not numb!'

Orin:
'Eh, Shut Up! Open Wide! Here I Come!'

I am your dentist.
And I enjoy the career that I picked.
I'm your dentist.
And I get off on the pain I inflict!

When I start extracting those molars, You girls will be screaming like Holy Rollers,

Chorus: Dentist

Orin:
And though it may cause my patients distress.
Somewhere... Somewhere in Heaven above me
I know... I know that my momma's proud of me
Oh, Momma
'Cause I'm a dentist
And a success!
Say ah

Chorus: Ah

Orin:
Say: Aahhr

Chorus: Ah

Orin: Now Spit!