Lyrics:

I was at the airport a while back and some guy said 'Hey man, I saw you on TV last night.' But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he was just confirming that he saw me on television. So I turned my head away for about a minute, and looked back at him and said 'Dude! I saw you at the airport... About a minute ago... And you were good.'

Get your priorities crooked. I tell my sister that, she's too straight-laced. Alright

I wrote a letter to my dad. I was gonna write “I really enjoyed being here” but I accidentally wrote “rarely” instead of “really”. But I wanted to use it, I didn’t want to cross it out. So I wrote, “I rarely… drive steamboats, dad.” There's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator. I know this letter took a harsh turn right away

At the end of my letters, I like to write, 'P.S. This is what a part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.'

I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That’s a bad place for an argument. Because then I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up really quick. Fuck you!

If I was a locksmith I'd be fuckin' pimpin' that shit out. 'Say, what's goin' on, man? Tell you what. I'll trade you a free key duplication (laughs).' That joke made me laugh before I could finish it. Which is good 'cause there's no ending

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here