Lyrics:

VAL
...But after a while I caught on...I mean, I saw what they were
hiring! I also swiped my dance card once after an audition, and on a scale
of one to ten, they gave me for dance: TEN, for looks : THREE! Why?
Dance Ten, Looks Three
And I'm still on unemployment,
Dancing for my own enjoyment.
That ain't it, kid! That ain't it, kid!
Dance Ten, Looks Three
Is like to die!
Left the the'ter and called the doctor
For my appointment to buy...
Tits and ass
Bought myself a fancy pair
Tightened up the derriere
Did the nose with it
All that goes with it
Tits and ass!
Had the bingo-bongos done.
Suddenly I'm getting
Nash'nal tours!
Tits and ass won't get you jobs,
Unless they're yours!
Didn't cost a fortune neither.
Didn't hurt my sex life either!
Flat and sassy
I would get the strays and losers,
Beggars really can't be choosers.
That ain't it, kid! That ain't it, kid!
Fix the chassis,
'How do you do!'
Life turned into an endless medley of
'Gee, it had to be you.
'Why?
Tits and ass
Where the cupboard once was bare
Now you knock and someone's there
You have got 'em, hey!
Top to bottom, hey!
It's a gas!
Just a dash of silicone.
Shake your new maracas and your fine!
Tits and ass can change your life,
They sure changed mine!
Have it all done!
Honey, take my word.
Grab a cab, c'mon
See the wizard on
Park and Seventy-Third
For tits and ass.
Orchestra and balcony.
What they want is whatcha see.
Keep the best of you,
Do all the rest of you.
Pits or class, I have never seen it fail,
Debutante or chorus girl or wife.
Tits and ass, yes, tits and ass
Have changed my life!