Lyrics:

Haggard: Waylon and Willie are the outlaws
Haggard: Roger is the King of the Road
Jones: Everyone knows Hank's been in prison
Haggard (spoken): I didn't know that
Jones: Dolly's got two good reasons she's well known
Haggard (spoken): No comment

Jones: They call me 'No Show Jones'
Haggard: They call him 'No Show Jones'
Jones: I'm seldom ever on
Haggard: He's seldom ever on
Jones: Instead of singin' my songs, my whereabouts are unknown
Haggard: We call him 'No Show Jones'
Jones: They call me 'No Show Jones'

Haggard: Loretta is the coal miner's daughter
Jones: Mighty pretty, Merle
Haggard: Johnny wears black and stands there alone
Jones: Ooh, that's lonesome
Haggard: Everyone knows that Kenny is the Gambler
Haggard: Where's Tammy?
Jones: Tammy is the first lady of the country song

Jones: I'm still No Show Jones
Haggard: He's still No Show Jones
Jones: I'm seldom ever on
Haggard: Seldom ever on
Jones: Instead of singin' my songs, my whereabouts are unknown
Haggard: We call him 'No Show Jones'
Jones: They call me 'No Show Jones'

Jones: I'm gonna straighten up one of these days, hoss
Haggard: We got you here right now, anyway; do it again

Jones: They call me No Show Jones
Haggard: They call him No Show Jones
Jones: I'm seldom ever on
Haggard: Mmm, quite
Jones: Instead of singin' my songs, my whereabouts are unknown
Haggard: We call him No Show Jones
Jones: They call me No Show Jones

Haggard: They call him No Show...
Spoken: Where you at, George? Somebody close, close that door! George is gone. Someone check the control room. I'll be damned...