Lyrics:

Corny
And now, live, from the certified up-to-code Baltimore Eventorium...
...For the first time ever on nationwide television...
It's The Corny Collins Spectacular...

Council girls
He's Corny!

Corny
...Brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray!

Corny (& ensemble)
What gives a girl
Power and punch?
Is it charm, is it poise?
No, it's hairspray!

What gets a gal
Asked out to lunch
Is it brains, is it dough?
No, it's hairspray!

If you take a ride
With no can at your side
Then your flip will be gone
With the wind

But if you spray it and lock it,
You can take off in a rocket
And in outer space
Each hair will be in place

Why take a chance
When you get up and dance
If you twist, I insist
You use hairspray

And tell your mother
Her head she should smother
With 'ultra-clutch' faithfully

So if you're a redhead,
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get
The only thing better than hairspray

Corny
That's me!

Ensemble
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

Corny
Forget the milkman
The only thing better than hairspray

Ensemble
Hairspray! Wow!

Corny
That's me!

Corny and ensemble
What makes a man
Reach out and touch?
Ultra clutch!

Corny and ensemble
So if you're a redhead,
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get

Corny
The only thing better than hairspray
That's me!

Ensemble
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

Council girls
He's Corny Collins!

Corny
The only thing better than hairspray

Ensemble
Hairspray! Wow!

Corny
That's me!

Ensemble
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah!
Do wow!

Corny
'Hey, baby, you look like you could use a stiff one!'

Brenda
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya-do do wah!