Lyrics:

Round like a circle that is forming, made of television ads
More and more I see the warning of the conditions I might have
I have countless new disorders that have finally been revealed
I have dry eye, spastic bladder and that one with Sally Field

I take drugs for every syndrome, I'm like a powder keg
When I kick my spouse at bedtime, now I claim it's restless leg
If your health is in decline
Just take ten pills and you're fine

Like the lithium I'm taking with a dose of estrogen
Mixed with Demerol and Prozac, now I've got hair on my chin
Son's on Ritalin and Bextra, we thought he had ADD
But it turns out that the whole time he is just an SOB

I need Ambien, Lunesta, to help me sleep alright
'Cause Levitra and Cialis keep my husband up all night
If your life's as bad as mine
At least ten pills come to mind

Lasix, Cruex, Metamucil, Celebrex and Naproxen
Then I take a few Vytorin that I wash down with some gin
Now my ears are always ringing, I think Lipitor's to blame
There's no reason that I take it, I just really like the name

I mix Lidocaine with high balls, and the side effects were queer
I was hearing through my eyeballs, and I'm tasting through my rear
And that giant nose of Claritin is something I must try
And I take Ginkgo Biloba, but can't remember why

So I quit those pills cold turkey, it was all a big mistake
And I swear there is no supplement or medicine I'll take
And though lately I have found, though depressed and feeling down
Thanks to Botox I can't frown