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Lyrics:
Joe
this Is The Season.
my Name Is Wednesday, My Partner Is Frank Jones, The Chief Is Captain Kellogg.
december The 24th, Christmas Eve, They Brought In A Guy Named Grudge.
when I Heard What They Booked Him On, My Blood Ran Cold.
it Was A 4096325-Dash-096704 Not Believing In Santa Claus.
435 P.m. I Was Working The Holiday Watch Out Of Homicide With Frank.
frank
hang Up Your Stocking Yet, Joe
joe
yeah, Just Before I Come Down. You, Too, Frank
frank
always Do. Hung It Up Early Just In Case I Have To Work Late Tonight. Wouldn't Wanna Miss Out On When Santy Claus Comes, You Know.
joe
mm-Hmm. Sure Wouldn't. Would Be A Shame.
frank
whatcha Gonna Do Tomorrow, Joe Whatcha Gonna Do On Christmas Ya Got Any Plans
joe
nothing Much.
frank
why Don't You Come By The House, Joe We're Gonna Have Christmas Dinner. You Know, All The Trimmings.
joe
mm-Hmm.
frank
turkey, Celery, Stuffing, Oysters Maybe, Chestnuts.
joe
mm-Hmm.
frank
all The Trimmings. Cranberry Sauce. Love To Have Ya.
joe
mm-Hmm.
frank
the Mrs. Always Fixes A Plate Of Relish With Them Little Carrot Sticks.
you Know, Olives, Pickles, Scallions.
most Folks Call Them Green Onions, But They're Really Scallions.
do You Ever Notice That, Joe
joe
ever Notice What, Frank
frank
how Most Folks Call Them Green Onions, But They're Really Scallions.
joe
mm-Hmm. Scallions.
frank
anytime After Two, Joe. Love To Have Ya.
joe
mm-Hmm. Well, I'll See.
frank
love To Have Ya.
joe
mm-Hmm. Well, I'll See.
frank
the Mrs. Always Fixes A Plate Of Relish With Them Carrot Sticks,
you Know Them Little Carrot Sticks
joe
mm-Hmm.
frank
olives, Pickles, Scallions.
joe
mm-Hmm. Let's Not Go Through That Again.
frank
love To Have Ya. Go Through What Again, Joe
joe
how Most Folks Call Them Green Onions, But They're Really Scallions.
frank
oh. You Noticed That, Too, Huh, Joe
(Telephone Rings)
joe
homicide, Wednesday.
mm-Hmm, Mm-Hmm, Mm-Hmm, Mm-Hmm, Mm-Hmm, Mm-Hmm.
(Hangs Up)
frank
's The Matter, Joe 's The Matter, Joe
joe
bringing A Guy In On A 409635-Dash-096704.
frank
you-You Mean...
joe
yeah. Guy Don't Believe In Scallions. I Mean Santa Claus.
629 P.m. We Questioned The Guy Who Didn't Believe In Santa Claus A Guy Named Grudge.
says Here Your Name's Grudge, That Right
grudge
yeah.
joe
said You Didn't Believe In Santa Claus
frank
it's Hard To Believe What You Said. Did You Really Say That
grudge
sure I Said It. How Do You Know There's A Santy Claus
ya Got A Picture Of Him
joe
no, No Mug Shot.
grudge
any Fingerprints
joe
mnh-Mnh, No Latent Prints. I Just Know, That's All.
i't's Like Saying There Isn't An Easter Bunny.
grudge
that's Another Guy There Ain't No Of!
joe
mm-Hmm. Well, That's Your Story, Mister.
frank
joe, He Just Said That To Make Me Feel Bad, Didn't He
there Really Is An Easter Bunny, Isn't There Joe
joe
listen, Grudge, Didn't I Pick You Up Three Years Ago On A 1492 For Not Believing In Columbus
grudge
yeah! I Don't Believe In Cleveland Or Cincinnati, Either.
joe
how About Toledo
grudge
i, Uh, I Ain't Made Up My Mind Yet About Toledo.
joe
okay, Mister, I Get The Picture Now.
you Don't Believe In Nothin', Do Ya
grudge
nothin'! And You Wanna Know Somethin' Else
joe
what's That
grudge
i'm Gonna Get Up, And I'm Gonna Walk Right Out Of This Room, 'cause You Guys Ain't Got Nothin' On Me.
there Ain't No Law Against Not Believin' In Santy Claus.
joe
there Is In My Book.
let Me Tell You Somethin', Mister, I'm Gonna Prove There's A Santa Claus If It Takes Me All Night.
grudge
huh! Pretty Funny. The Police Department's Got Nothin' Else To Do.
joe
let Me Straighten You Out, Buddy. This One's On Frank And Me.
right, Frank Right, Frank
frank
there Really Is An Easter Bunny, Isn't There, Joe
you Know, Hippety-Hoppin' Down The Bunny Trail
joe
i Took Grudge Over To The Helicopter. Got In, Flew Around The City For Hours.
i Showed Him Department Stores.
what's Hurrying In And Out Of Those Department Stores, Grudge
grudge
happy People, But I Ain't Impressed.
joe
i Showed Him Stockings.
how Are Those Stockings Hung, Grudge
grudge
by The Chimney With Care. But I Didn't Hang None Up.
joe
i Showed Him Children Nestled All Snug In Their Beds.
what's Dancing In Their Heads, Grudge
grudge
visions Of Sugarplums.
but You Ain't Sellin' Me. There Ain't No Santy Claus.
joe
he Still Didn't Believe. There Was Only One Thing Left To Do.
my Job Get To The North Pole.
1145 P.m. We Arrived At The North Pole.
i Set The Plane Down, We Walked Over To Santy's Workshop, Rang The Bell.
(Bell Plays 'dragnet' Theme)
joe
pardon Me, Sir, Can I Ask You A Few Questions
brownie
why, Sure. Just Tickle Me To Death.
joe
what Do You Do For A Living
brownie
i'm A Brownie.
joe
what Are You Doing At The North Pole With A Southern Accent
brownie
well, The Boss Sorta Ran Short On Help This Year, So He Had To Recruit A Few Of Us Brownies From The South Pole.
joe
mm-Hmm. That Figures.
grudge
heh-Heh! What A Waste Of Time!
joe
could We Talk To Your Boss, Please
brownie
oh, He's Out. You Would Come On The One Night He's Out In The Whole Year.
joe
mm-Hmm. What's Your Particular Job, Mr. Brownie
brownie
my Boss Has Eight Tiny Reindeer. My Job Feed 'em.
joe
mm-Hmm, Yes, Sir. What Do Ya Feed 'em
brownie
well, Most Times I Fix Up A Little Plate Of Relish.
olives, Pickles And Them Carrot Sticks.
you Know Them Little Ol' Carrot Sticks
joe
mm-Hmm.
brownie
and Scallions.
joe And Brownie
most Folks Call Them Green Onions, But They're Really Scallions.
brownie
how'd You Know
joe
just A Stab In The Dark.
the Little Man Showed Us Through The Workshop.
brownie
my Boss'll Be Back For A Second Load Pretty Soon.
say, Would You All Like To Hear An Interestin' Story
joe
yes, Sir.
brownie
well, You See That Huge Pile Of Presents Over There
joe
mm-Hmm.
grudge
man, Look At All That Stuff!
brownie
would You Believe It They're All For The Same Man.
been Pilin' Up Here Year After Year.
joe
why Didn't The Guy Ever Get 'em
grudge
yeah! Why
brownie
'cause He Didn't Believe In My Boss. You Know The Rules.
joe
mm-Hmm. We Know.
grudge
i, Uh, Don't Suppose There's No Chance That This, This Guy Can Still --
brownie
get The Presents Oh, Sure. He Gets 'em All The Minute He Believes.
but I Don't Suppose He Ever Will.
joe
too Bad About That Guy. What's His Name
grudge
don't Say It. I Don't Want To Hear It.
joe
come On, Mr. Brownie. What's His Name
brownie
his Name Grudge.
joe
the Brownie Saw Us To The Door, Wished Us A Merry Christmas.
we Were Heading Back To The Plane When It Happened.
grudge
hey!
joe
yeah, Grudge
grudge
you Know That Guy I Said I Didn't Believe In
joe
who's That
grudge
s-S-Santy Claus
joe
yes, Sir
grudge
you Think I'm Too Old To Change My Mind
joe
you're Never Too Old, Mr. Grudge.
grudge
well Then, I-I-I Believe In Santy Claus. And Columbus.
joe
how About Cleveland, Cincinnati, And The Easter Bunny
grudge
yeah, Them, Too.
joe
and Toledo
grudge
i-I Still Ain't Made Up My Mind Yet About Toledo!
(Sleigh Bells)
joe
look, Grudge, Up In The Sky. He's Coming Back For The Second Load.
grudge
it's Santy Claus! It's Santy Claus!
joe
there's The Only Guy I Know Can Make Everybody Happy In One Night.
grudge
yeah. He Must Have The Biggest Heart In The Whole World.
joe
that's About The Size Of It.
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