Lyrics:

Mrs. Johnstone
Once I 'ad an 'usband
You know the sort of chap
I met him at a dance
And he came on with the chat

Mr. Johnstone
spoken:
Saw ye dancin', I think you're a bleedin' cracker

Mrs. Johnstone
He said me eyes were deep blue pools
Me skin as soft as snow
He told me I was sexier than Marilyn Monroe

An' we went dancin'
We went dancin'

Then, of course, I found that I was six weeks overdue

Mr. Johnstone
spoken:
What?!

Mrs. Johnstone
We got married at the registry
An' then we had a do
We all had curly salmon sandwiches
An' 'ow the ale did flow
The bride, they said, was lovelier than Marilyn Monroe

Guests
And we went dancin'
We went dancin'

Mrs. Johnstone
Then the baby came along
We called him...

Mr. Johsntone
spoken:
Darren Wayne!

Mrs. Johnstone
Then three months on I found that I was in the club again
And though I still fancied dancin'
Me husband wouldn't go
With a wife he said was twice the size of Marilyn Monroe
No more dancin'
No more dancin'

By the time that I was twenty-five
I looked like forty-two
With seven hungry mouths to feed
And one more nearly due
Me husband he walked out on me a month or two ago
For a girl they say who looks a bit like Marilyn Monroe
And they go dancin'
They go dancin'
Yes, they go dancin'
They go dancin'