Lyrics:

(spoken)
If I was like 'im
I'd know all the right words

If I was like him
I'd know some real birds
(sung)
Apart from those in my dreams
And in magazines

Just look at his hair

His hair's dark and wavy

It just isn't fair

Mine's the colour of gravy

Each part of his face
Is in just the right place
Is he laughing at me?

At my nose
Did he notice?

That I should wear a brace

That I've got halitosis?

When nature picked on me
She chose to stick on me

Eyes that don't match

I've got ears that stand out

She picked the wrong batch
When she handed mine out
And then she attacked me
With permanent acne

I wish I was a bit like
Wish that I could score a hit like
And be just a little bit like
That guy

That guy

I wish that I could be like
Just a little less like me
Like the kind of guy I see like
That guy

That guy