Lyrics:

[spoken]
[MICKEY]
If I was like him
I'd know all the right words

[EDWARD]
If I was like him
I'd know some real birds

[sung]
Apart from those in my dreams
And in magazines

[MICKEY]
Just look at his hair

[EDWARD]
His hair's dark and wavy
Mine's mousey to fair

[MICKEY]
Mine's the colour of gravy

[EDWARD and MICKEY]
Each part of his face
Is in just the right place
Is he laughing at me?

[EDWARD]
At my nose
Did he notice?

[MICKEY]
That I should wear a brace

[EDWARD]
That I've got halitosis?

[EDWARD and MICKEY]
When nature picked on me
She chose to stick on me

[MICKEY]
Eyes that don't match

[EDWARD]
I've got ears that stand out

[EDWARD and MICKEY]
She picked the wrong batch
When she handed mine out
And then she attacked me
With permanent acne

[EDWARD]
I wish I was a bit like
Wish that I could score a hit like
And be just a little bit like
That guy

[EDWARD and MICKEY]
That guy
That guy

[MICKEY]
I wish that I could be like
Just a little less like me
Like the kind of guy I see like
That guy

[EDWARD and MICKEY]
That guy