Lyrics:

Girl, I'm gonna take you on a date tonight
So put on your sexy dress and meet me
In my chambers by the firelight
This night is gonna be the best of your life

Oh yeah the mood is right
You look more beautiful than poetry can describe
By the way, do you mind if Ninja Brian
Joins us he's promised not to kill anyone... oh never mind

It's a party of three
It's just you and me
And a psychotic ninja
Every girl's dream

Don't make sudden movements!

Good evening, would you like an appetizer?
Oh, Brian!

Do you see what I mean?
Nothing's more romantic
Than a murder in the second degree

You'll be convinced
Though I'm sensing you're not totally on board with this

Was it the murder thing? Yeah, I thought it might be.

Now it's after dinner and we're out at the club
I'm grinding up against you and I'm starting to chub
Oh you know girl, we're makin' it work
While Brian goes completely fucking apeshit berserk

There were 300 people at this club
Brian killed 297, so that leaves us with a

Party of three
If human life were a keyboard
He'd be gluing down Control-Alt-Delete

Don't make direct eye contact!

Yo, I'm the DJ! Who wants to dance? Agh!
Okay, Brian, we get it.

Girl you're looking at me
Like your feeling sick
I'll take you home and give you vitamin P
That stands for penis
Nothing will come between us

Brian! Lay down a tasty bridge

Damn girl, we had such a great night
It's a shame more bystanders couldn't have survived
We're going back to my place where we're gonna make love
At the moment of completion I'll release a flock of doves

Let me lay the foundation of the state of our relations
There's gonna be temptation then sensations of vibration
Followed by the cremation of your sexual frustration
Ending in the culmination of elation consummation

There's just one thing I think I forgot to mention
Ninja Brian's gonna be there giving us his full attention
'Cause nothing could be hotter than our sensual embrace
With a ninja staring at us three inches from your face

Whoo!

It's a party of three
Welcome to my kingdom of Slamalot
You are the new queen

Please take your throne
Together we'll rule this majestic bedroom alone
Oh, hey Brian!

I think we all can agree
It's time for me to plow your fields and
Sow the seeds of a new family tree

We're young and free
Come on, baby
It's just you and me

...And Ninja Brian.