Lyrics:

Narrator:
The legend you are about to hear is true
Only the needle should be changed to protect the record

St. George:
This is the countryside
My name is St George
I'm a knight

Saturday, July 10th, 8:05 pm
I was working out of the castle on the nightwatch
When a call came in from the Chief
A dragon had been devouring maidens
Homicide
My job, slay him

St. George:
You call me, Chief

Chief:
Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens
The King's daughter may be next

St. George:
Mmm-hmm
You got a lead

Chief:
Oh, nothing much to go on
Say, did you take that .45 automatic
Into the lab to have them check on it

St. George:
Yeah, you were right

Chief:
I was right

St. George:
Yeah, It was a gun

8:22 pm, I talked to one of the maidens
Who had almost been devoured

St. George:
Could I talk to you, Ma'am

Maiden:
Who are you

St. George:
I'm St. George, Ma'am
Homicide, Ma'am
Want to ask you a few questions, Ma'am
I understand you were almost devoured by the Ma'am
Is that right, dragon

Maiden:
It was terrible
He breathed fire on me
He burned me already

St. George:
How can I be sure of that, Ma'am

Maiden:
Believe me
I got it straight from the dragon's mouth

St. George:
11:45 pm
I rode over the King's Highway
I saw a man
Stopped to talk to him
Pardon me, Sir
Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir

Knave:
Sure, I don't mind

St. George:
What do you do for a living

Knave:
I'm a knave

St. George:
Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts

Knave:
Yeah, so what
Do you wanna make a federal case out of it

St. George:
No, Sir
We heard there was a dragon operating in this neighborhood
We just want to know if you've seen him

Knave:
Sure, I've seen him

St. George:
Mmm-hmm
Could you describe him for me

Knave:
What's to describe
You see one dragon, you seen 'em all

St. George:
Would you try to remember, Sir
Just for the record
We just want to get the facts, Sir

Knave:
Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots...

St. George:
Yes, Sir

Knave:
Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke...

St. George:
Mmm-hmm

Knave:
And one big bloodshot eye
Right in the middle of his forehead and
Uh, like that

St. George:
Notice anything unusual about him

Knave:
No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know

St. George:
Mmm-hmm
Yes, Sir
You can go now

Knave:
Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him

St. George:
I thought you'd never ask
A Dragonet

3:05 pm
I was riding back into the courtyard
To make my report to the lab
Then it happened
It was the dragon

Dragon:
Hey, I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon
You must be St George, right

St. George:
Yes, Sir

Dragon:
I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords

St. George:
That's about the size of it

Dragon:
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
You slay me

St. George:
That's what I wanted to talk to you about

Dragon:
What do you mean

St. George:
I'm taking you in on a 502
You figure it out

Dragon:
What's the charge

St. George:
Devouring maidens out of season

Dragon:
Out of season
You'll never pin that rap on me
Do you hear me, cop

St. George:
Yeah, I hear you
I got you on a 412 too

Dragon:
A 412?
What's a 412?

St. George:
Over-acting. Let's go

Narrator:
On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted
His fire was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked
Maiden devouring out of season is punishable
By a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years