Lyrics:

Hello, I'm a member of a new organization called the Fart Retrieval League. Do you realize that among the millions of farts which are released every day, not all of them float free. A small, but significant percentage of farts is trapped in seat cushions all over America- hopelessly suspended in foam rubber. We ask you to please help rescue lost farts
Send your donation to the Fart Retrieval League. We will send you a booklet entitled, 'The Facts on Farts'. And say, next time you're in a hotel lobby, why not jump up and down on a seat cushion and free a fart
This Sunday, don't miss 'Issues and Assholes', an in depth look at questions of public interest. This weekend, 'Should There Be Gay Smoking Areas?' Then, relax as sex and sports get together on 'Bowling For Pussy'. (bowling sounds)